The pre-departure message (2012).

The following is a slightly edited version of the message I shared at my home church on September 23, 2012, before I left for Japan. I found it while going through some old files and thought I'd share it with you all.

Good morning. Or, as I will be soon be greeting people, ohayou gozaimasu. Originally, I was going to head out to Japan in two days, but some surprise bureaucracy has put a delay in my work visa approval and I get the feeling I'm about to learn some valuable lessons about patience as I wait for confirmation of my travel dates.

Eventually I'll head to Japan to teach English and work at a church for the next two-and-a-half years as part of the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America's so-called "J-3" program--"J" for Japan, "3" for the approximate 3 years of service. I'll spend about three months in Tokyo, and then fly down to the city of Kumamoto to get acquainted with my school and church placement. I will start teaching at one of the two Lutheran junior/senior high schools in Kumamoto next April.

Some of you might be asking (quite reasonably) why I'm doing a mission program with the largest Lutheran denomination in America and not the Presbyterian Church (USA). I promise I'm still a Presbyterian, and proud to be. The PC(USA) has a solid mission program, and Presbyterian missionaries do a lot of great things. We read about them in bulletin inserts every week. One of my closest friends from summer staff at Westminster Woods just finished up a year teaching in Miami with the PC(USA)'s Young Adult Volunteer program, and had an amazing experience of serving God in intentional community there. But the PC(USA) mission program doesn't have a J-3 program.

It had everything I was looking for--an opportunity to work in Japan and to live in intentional Christian community, which is something I learned to value during my three summers at Westminster Woods. Japan is less than 1% Christian; finding a Christian community with people my age while working at a secular English-teaching job would be next to impossible. With the J-3 program, I'll be living in it.

Ever since I first went to Japan back in high school, I've been hooked on studying its language, history, and culture, and knew that after college I wanted to go back to Japan for a longer time. But the program I'll be on is quite different from the standard English-teaching jobs most college grads get. I'm about to become a missionary.

Protestor at FanimeCon 2012 wearing
handy T-shirt listing who's going to hell.
Photo by Foxtrot1988 (CC BY-SA 3.0)

For many people, including myself, that's a term filled with myriad connotations, ranging from excitement to revulsion. Christian missionaries have done and still do amazing things--Mother Teresa feeding the poor in India, for example. But Christian mission also has a past strongly associated with cultural imperialism, racism, and coercion. Even in this postcolonial era, there are people out there calling themselves Christians and believing that when they stand on street corners, shouting and waving huge signs listing all the kinds of people that are doomed to hell, they're doing God's work. My friends and I attend nerdy conventions every year, the kind where people show up in costume, and have seen these people firsthand. Every Memorial Day Weekend they stand on boxes outside the convention center, holding signs that say "Cry to God" and "Jesus Saves From Hell," shaking their Bibles and shouting that dressing in costume is idolatry and if every costumed attendee doesn't get on their knees now and beg Jesus for forgiveness they will be eternally condemned. Even uglier than their rhetoric are the reactions of some attendees, who mock them and shout abuse. It breaks my heart every year.

The Japan group at the ELCA Summer
Missionary Conference, 2012.

Shouting condemnation from a street corner. Leaving Bible tracts instead of a tip. Making nonbelieving friends targets for conversion. These are things in which I know I don't want to take part. So when I and the other two women going with me to Japan, Morgan and Caroline, were discussing what mission meant with our coordinator in Chicago, we gave mostly mild answers. Performing acts of service and love. Forming deep relationships with people and listening to them in conversation. But then our coordinator said, "Well, anyone can do those things. What makes us different as Christians?"

In the silence that followed, old anxieties from middle and high school suddenly bubbled up in me. If I really believe all these things about Jesus, why aren't I out there handing out tracts and saving souls? Why aren't I taking every opportunity to snatch my friends and neighbors from the jaws of hell? Do I hate them that much? I'm not even comfortable talking to people I don't know about the weather; how could I just go up to them and give 'em the old "Can I tell you about my friend Jesus?" talk? I felt like I had the burden of their eternal fate on my 13-year-old shoulders.

There are plenty of forceful preachers in the Bible. The Old Testament prophets were often taken for crazy by the Israelites themselves. In the New Testament, both John the Baptist and Jesus call certain groups of people "broods of vipers"!

But I'm not any of those people. I've never had any prophetic visions, angels didn't foretell my birth, and I'm certainly not the Son of God! But the Prophets and Jesus and John the Baptist aren't the only preachers in the Bible. That guy we heard about in Acts wasn't any of those things, either. In other places in the New Testament he even calls himself the "worst of sinners," (1 Tim. 1:15) and agonizes over his slavery to the sin living in him (Romans 7). A little more relatable than wearing camel's hair and eating locusts and wild honey like John the Baptist.

When he was in Athens, Paul wasn't looking for notches to add to his witnessing shotgun. He didn't march in and try to dictate the Athenians' individual spiritual needs, wring tearful conversions out of people, or hit 'em with a turn-or-burn ultimatum. He engaged with the people and their culture in a respectful way. He participated in the discussions already going on at the time. And he offered his testimony. That was all he could do. Then he left it up to the people to decide.

Now, a small disclaimer: God can work and has worked through all kinds of evangelical approaches, regardless of our personal feelings about them. I've actually heard of tracts left on windshields changing lives, and several months ago I had a really amazing encounter with a couple of girls walking around UC Berkeley talking to people about Jesus, something I know I don't have the courage to do.

But evangelism is easily reduced to just another way for people to wield power over others and leave people feeling like pet projects—ironically leaving God completely out of the equation. I'm guilty of that—at one point in college I was trying to steer the conversation with a dear friend toward Jesus and she caught me red-handed. She smiled sympathetically and said in the kindest possible way, "I know you're trying to convert me, but..." I immediately backpedaled, but she was right. I was doing what I thought I was supposed to do as a Christian. I confess, I was kind of hoping for an epiphany. But was the epiphany I was wishing for a conversion to God's work in her heart or just a conversion to my beliefs?

Jesus is the True Vine. He chooses us to bear the fruit that can only come from him, and commands us to love one another. I'm not the one that diagnoses spiritual conditions or saves souls. Only God can do that, because only God knows the heart. Like Paul in Athens, my job is to show up where I'm called and be ready to love.

So to Japan. It's not generally thought of as a "mission field" since it's so wealthy, stable, and developed. But it does have its own issues under the surface. The suicide rate is one of the highest in the world, largely attributed to societal pressures and the acceptance of suicide as a morally responsible act in certain cases. The societal emphasis on conformity and lack of anti-discrimination laws leaves ethnic minorities marginalized and virtually unknown outside Japan. Even descendants of a medieval lower caste are still discriminated against in certain areas in employment and marriage, though few even in Japan are aware of it. And the Japanese have recently had the need to coin words for "death from overwork" and "young people who shut themselves up away from society in their houses." So, no, wealth, stability, and technological advancement do not save.

In some ways, Japan's wealth increases the urgency for the Gospel of Christ—the whole "it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God" thing. Even the majority religions, Shintō and Buddhism, are on the decline, with much of it practiced through holidays and traditions rather than real, dedicated worship--much like Christianity in some places in America. Christianity, despite a missionary presence dating back to the 16th century, is a minority religion in Japan and still seen as largely foreign and aesthetic. Christmas means date night, strawberry cake, and KFC. (Apparently in Japan KFC has better marketing than Jesus does.) Christian weddings are incredibly popular (and incidentally cheaper than traditional Japanese weddings). One restaurant known as the Christon Café apparently boasts décor pieces from actual European cathedrals. Christian symbols are cool and mysterious, nothing more.

Which in some ways sets the stage for missionaries to come in, Paul-in-Athens-style. Last year the nine-year-old daughter of one missionary couple working at the Lutheran college in Kumamoto was chatting with her non-Christian Japanese friends about Christmas, and asked them "You know it’s not all about presents and Santa Claus, right?" Her friends asked her what it was about, opening the door to telling them the good news about Jesus--and correcting some of their pop-culture-influenced misconceptions. They'd never heard any of it before, and were fascinated, asking questions and eager to know about Jesus. And to this girl, it was the most natural thing.

Were I that young and confident.

I read this for a college class
called The Bible and Salvation.

There is a certain difficulty in preaching the gospel in Japan simply because of the collectivist society. There's a saying, "The nail that sticks out gets hammered down." Individuality is not something to be celebrated. So when conversion and baptism happens for someone in a non-Christian family, it's hard. Often the convert doesn't tell their family, not for fear of retribution but for a desire to maintain the familial harmony that is so integral to Japanese culture. One thing to remember in working in global mission is how culturally influenced even our own religious beliefs are. I once read an account from a minister in Tokyo who lamented that Japan was not "Christianized" enough, that the Japanese language didn't have the right words for certain Christian concepts. With all due respect to this pastor, I think he meant westernized, not Christianized. In a case study of mission in Japan in their book Recovering the Scandal of the Cross, Joel B. Green and Mark D. Baker point out that in North America we tend to see justice in terms of forensic guilt, but in Japan they tend to see justice in terms of relationship-destroying shame. The truth of the Cross does not change with these worldviews--Jesus removed our forensic guilt and removed our relationship-destroying shame that results from sin. Jesus transcends culture.

Now I can do all the book research I want, but I know that as soon as I set foot in Japan I'm going to meet people that completely contradict everything I've assumed about Japan. I need to fight that urge to turn evangelism into a one-size-fits-all methodology. God does amazing things. I'm just thrilled to be along for the ride.

I'll close with a reflection from a woman in whose footsteps I'm about to follow, a J-3 missionary who first headed to Japan in 2006 and is now a teacher at a private Christian English school in Fukushima, where tsunami scars and radiation fears are still present:

Every time a Japanese person begins following Jesus, I am amazed at God, because none of the conversations ever make it seem humanly possible. There aren't any working formulas that I know of—every solid convert to Christianity that I know of moves because they've had an encounter with God Himself. So, we keep praying, and keep loving, and keep speaking—and wait for the Spirit to move.

While Paul was waiting for them in Athens, he was greatly distressed to see that the city was full of idols. So he reasoned in the synagogue with both Jews and God-fearing Greeks, as well as in the marketplace day by day with those who happened to be there. A group of Epicurean and Stoic philosophers began to debate with him. Some of them asked, "What is this babbler trying to say?" Others remarked, "He seems to be advocating foreign gods." They said this because Paul was preaching the good news about Jesus and the resurrection. Then they took him and brought him to a meeting of the Areopagus, where they said to him, "May we know what this new teaching is that you are presenting? You are bringing some strange ideas to our ears, and we would like to know what they mean." (All the Athenians and the foreigners who lived there spent their time doing nothing but talking about and listening to the latest ideas.)

Paul then stood up in the meeting of the Areopagus and said: "People of Athens! I see that in every way you are very religious. For as I walked around and looked carefully at your objects of worship, I even found an altar with this inscription: to an unknown god. So you are ignorant of the very thing you worship--and this is what I am going to proclaim to you.

"The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by human hands. And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything. Rather, he himself gives everyone life and breath and everything else. From one man he made all the nations, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he marked out their appointed times in history and the boundaries of their lands. God did this so that they would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from any one of us. 'For in him we live and move and have our being.' As some of your own poets have said, 'We are his offspring.'

"Therefore since we are God's offspring, we should not think that the divine being is like gold or silver or stone—an image made by human design and skill. In the past God overlooked such ignorance, but now he commands all people everywhere to repent. For he has set a day when he will judge the world with justice by the man he has appointed. He has given proof of this to everyone by raising him from the dead."
Acts 17:16-31 (NIV)

Chapel speech: On impending departure.

Originally presented at Luther Junior and Senior High School morning chapel, March 12, 2015.

Downtown Kumamoto, November 2014.

In two weeks, I will leave Kumamoto. In three weeks, I will leave Japan. I have spent 29 months in this country, not once returning to the United States, where I was born.

Leaving your home country is always a scary thing. It was for me, even though I wanted to come to Japan, and I was excited to start teaching at Luther and serve in a Japanese church. But I didn't know anyone in Japan. I had no friends here, and certainly no family.

Happily, in the two years I've been here, that fact has changed. At Luther, God has blessed me with kind fellow teachers, wonderful students, and even some new friends. In many ways, the people in Kumamoto have become my family, and that makes me sad to leave.

One of the most wonderful qualities of God is omnipresence, which means that God is "present everywhere." God promises to never leave us, and to always be close when we call on Him. In the Psalms, the author writes about how amazing God's love is: "If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast," the author says (Psalm 139:8-10).

Why is it wonderful that God is with us everywhere? Because God loves us. That is an unshakable truth. He is our Creator and Heavenly Father; we belong to him and he longs for us to be with him. Unfortunately, we humans don't always believe that this is the case. Have you ever felt unlovable? Have you ever done something or said something that you were so ashamed of, or just felt so ashamed of who you are, that you just wanted to crawl into a big, deep, dark hole and never come out? I have—many times.

Here's the wonderful truth, though: even in those times, when we're so ashamed of what we've done or of who we are, God is right there next to us. He longs for us to be near Him, to show us compassion and love us, and for us to love Him, too. And no amount of shame can erase that love for us. Rather, God's love is more than enough to erase all our shame, no matter how much.

I'm going to try to keep that truth in my heart as I journey back over the Pacific in a few weeks. I pray that you will know and receive God's love in your hearts as well. Thank you for these two years.

Let us pray.

Lord, we thank you that you never stop loving us. Help us to know your love for us, and to respond to it by loving You.

In Jesus' name I pray, amen.

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8:38-39 (NIV)

Chapel speech: On Jesus' birth.

Originally presented at Luther Junior and Senior High School morning chapel, December 12, 2014.

When I came to Japan two years ago, the 2012 Christmas season was just beginning. There were a few things about Christmas in Japan that surprised me--Kentucky Fried Chicken, for example, which is not a Christmas tradition in America. I was also surprised to hear that many people believe Christmas celebrates the birthday of Santa Claus. It makes sense that people might think that--we see Santa everywhere during the Christmas season--but as you hopefully already know, it's not Santa's birth that we celebrate this month.

Luther's nativity scene, 2013.

In the lobby of Luther High School right now there is what in English is called a nativity scene--figurines depicting the birth of Jesus. About 2,000 years ago Jesus was born in a stable in modern-day Palestine to a very young woman named Mary. In most nativity scenes, which you can find in houses all over the world at Christmas, Jesus' birth looks like a beautiful, peaceful event.

Certainly, the birth of the Saving Lord is something to celebrate. Jesus was the long-awaited Messiah, the savior that would bring the people of Israel back to God. He was called the Immanuel, which means "God with us." But Jesus was also born in an animal stall. How disgusting is that? It's not a place for humans to even sleep, let alone give birth. It doesn't seem to make sense. Why would God choose a filthy stable for Mary to give birth to the Saving Lord, the Messiah, the Immanuel, "God-with-us"? I wonder if Mary wondered that, too.

But while Jesus was fully God, Jesus was also fully human. God, in Jesus, put Himself not only into the messiness of a stable but also into the messiness of our lives. We are a sinful, fallen humanity and we are not worthy to stand before a holy and perfect God. But God demonstrated His love for us by coming to us in the midst of darkness and filth to be a light not only to the Israelites but all the peoples of the world.

In his time on Earth, Jesus taught and healed, rebuked and forgave, served and loved everyone, and set the stage for salvation to come to all of humanity through his death on the Cross. That's infinitely better than anything we could get from Santa! Now, in this season of Advent we await his coming, knowing that the little baby born in a stable in Bethlehem brings salvation to the whole world.

Let us pray.

Lord Jesus, we thank you that you came to us as one of us, that you love us and promise salvation to all who believe. Let us follow your light this Advent season.

In Jesus name I pray, amen.

[Christ Jesus], being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;
rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant being made in human likeness.
And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death—even death on a cross!
Philippians 2:6-8 (NIV)

Chapel speech: On God's "crazy" love.

Originally presented at Luther Junior and Senior High School morning chapel, October 10, 2014.

If you've ever taken an English class taught by one of the J-3s, you've probably learned phrases like "can't stand" or "crazy about." We teach that in English there are many ways you can talk about how you feel about something or someone. "I hate spiders," for example, or, "I really like ice cream."

My cat Ebenezer. Missed cuddling this li'l guy.

If you remember this lesson, you probably also remember that the strongest way to say that you like something in English is to say you "love" it. "I love pizza," you might say. "I love my cat." But what is love? For pizza and cats, it's not the same thing. We don't cuddle our pizza and we don't eat our cats. In English, the definition of love is very broad.

If you came to English Summer Camp this year, you learned the words to the English song, "Jesus Loves Me." We sing this song in church Sunday Schools all the time. It's one of the most basic tenets of Christianity. But what does Jesus' love mean?

Jesus himself says in the Gospel of John that "Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends." And the apostle Paul tells us that Jesus did this very thing in today's Scripture reading. "At just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly," he says. Who are the powerless and ungodly? That's us! That's all of us.

We may not be murderers or thieves or terrorists, but we all do things that hurt each other and separate us from God. No matter how hard we try, we can't be completely good, sinless people—and that includes Christians. I try to love people, but if I'm in a bad mood, or if I'm hungry, or if I feel overwhelmed, all that love can disappear. In my life I've said and done many things that have hurt people, intentionally and unintentionally.

This is what Paul is talking about when he says that "we were still powerless." We can't make ourselves "good" even if we try. Humans are not perfect, and we are not worthy to stand before a perfect God.

But Paul writes, "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." The consequence of sin before a perfect God is death. But God sent his one and only Son Jesus to live with us and die for us so He could share our shame, and then Jesus was resurrected to conquer death and give us eternal life with God.

So what does Jesus' love mean for us in our daily life? It does not mean that nothing bad will happen to us, or that we won't ever experience some form of suffering. But it does mean that He will be with us always, and that we don't have to fear death as long as we believe in Him because He has opened the way for us to have eternal life with God. That's how much God is "crazy about" us.

Let us pray.

Heavenly Father, we thank you for your great love for us. Help us to know that love, believe that love, and share it with others today and every day.

In Jesus name I pray, amen.

You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
Romans 5:6-8 (NIV)

Chapel speech: On the joys of church.

Originally presented at Luther Junior and Senior High School morning chapel, July 11, 2014.

One of my favorite books of the Bible is the Acts of the Apostles. Have you ever read it? I highly recommend it. It tells the story of Jesus’ followers right after His death and resurrection, and the birth of the Christian church.

Life was not easy for the first Christians. Neither the Roman Empire nor the Jewish authorities were very fond of these people who claimed Jesus Christ was the Son of God and higher than the Roman Emperor. The Book of Acts contains many stories of believers in Christ who were killed for their faith. Elsewhere in Acts are stories of other believers who were shunned, put on trial, thrown in jail, or executed. It was dangerous to be a Christian at that time. And yet, strangely, there is an undercurrent of joy that runs through the whole book.

Today’s Scripture reading describes the fellowship of the early Christians. They prayed together, they ate together, they learned together, and they helped each other. It sounds like a wonderful life. And yet, all around them were people who wanted to kill them for their beliefs. How could they be so joyful?

The hope they had and the hope we have in Jesus is far beyond any threat or persecution the world can throw at us. In his first letter, the apostle Peter writes, "In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls" (1 Peter 1:6-9).

Kuwamizu Church sanctuary, 2014.

It is that salvation, that forgiveness, that freedom that we have in Christ that enables us to live with joy despite our circumstances, because we know we are bound for eternal life with God. The kind of fellowship rooted in this hope that the early church enjoyed is the kind of fellowship Christians have with each other in churches even today.

I was raised in a Christian family, so I’ve gone to church every Sunday my whole life. When I was young, I didn’t like church. I didn’t like getting up early in the morning, the hymns were too slow, and I couldn’t understand the sermons. But as I grew older, I learned to value the time I had at church with other Christians, encouraging and learning from each other. If you are interested in Christianity, I encourage you to try to attend church at least once. Even if the songs are too slow and the sermon is incomprehensible, I pray you will grow to know God’s incredible love for you and will be able to experience that transcendent joy in fellowship yourself.

Let us pray.

Father God, thank you for the joy you give us through your Son, Jesus Christ. Help us to know you more fully and live in the light of Your love.

In Jesus’ name I pray, amen.

They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and signs performed by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.
Acts 2:42-47 (NIV)

Chapel speech: On self-imposed burdens.

Originally presented at Luther Junior and Senior High School morning chapel, May 29, 2014.

"I can do it myself!" That's what I always told my mom in frustration when I was a kid. When I was little it was when she was helping me use a stapler or cutting my food with a knife. When I was older, it was when she was in the passenger seat teaching me how to drive a car. I wanted independence. I wanted to prove that I could do things by myself with no help from anyone else.

My mom, looking out for me since 1990. (2010 photo.)

When I was learning how to drive a car, I would fight with my mom at every turn. "Watch out for the car coming from the right," she'd say. I got angry when she said things like that, because I couldn't prove that I saw the oncoming car before she'd said anything. I think my frustration made me a worse driver than I already was.

Maybe some of you feel the same way. Maybe you're eager to show how well you can do things by yourself. Or maybe you just don't like asking for help. But there are certain things we can't do by ourselves.

The Bible tells us that God is perfect and righteous, and compared to Him, we're nothing. We can't do anything without the One who first gave us life. There were times when I was learning how to drive when I didn't actually see that oncoming car. If my mom hadn't said anything, I might have gotten into an accident.

Today's Bible verse tells us to "not be anxious about anything." Do you know what anxiety is? It's a burden we put on ourselves. When I was in high school, I burdened myself with proving to the world that I could be a responsible human being… but I didn't know how to be an adult at age 17. There was a lot more that I had to learn… and have to learn still.

Today's Bible verse also tells is to "by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present [our] requests to God." God wants to hear from us in prayer! He welcomes us to give our anxiety over to Him. That is something to truly be thankful for.

Finally, today's Bible verse says that we will receive "peace that transcends all understanding" to "guard [our] hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." When we are anxious, or when we worry, we doubt God's faithful provision in our lives. Jesus once asked, "How many of you can by worrying add a single hour to your life?" (Matthew 6:27). We don't gain anything by holding on to our anxieties, our worries, or our desires to do everything ourselves.

What do you burden yourself with? What are you anxious about? The best way to let go of that burden is to give it to God in prayer. He is always willing to answer those who call on Him in truth. May he fill your hearts with His peace.

Let us pray.

Father God, thank you that you take on our burdens when we call on you. Help us to not hold on to the things that trouble us and let us seek your peace that passes all understanding.

In Jesus' name I pray, amen.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV)

Chapel speech: On forgiveness.

Originally presented at Luther Junior and Senior High School morning chapel, February 4, 2014.

Forgiving is difficult! Have you ever been hurt by someone and decided to forgive them, only to find bitterness and resentment keep coming back?

The Bible tells us to forgive others their sins. In the Lord's Prayer, we ask God to forgive our sins, as we forgive those who have sinned against us. But this is much harder than it seems, isn't it?

The truth is, you and me, we're messed-up people. All of us need forgiveness for things we have said and done. Maybe you've never murdered anyone, but Jesus says elsewhere in Matthew that saying mean things in anger at someone means you could suffer the same judgment that you might get for murder. Seems harsh, right? Being mean to someone is not the same as murdering them.

But the truth is, murder and simple hatred have the same root. You don't murder without first hating. The Bible tells us that humans look at outward appearance, but God looks at the heart (1 Samuel 1:16b). Our hearts are not perfect. Have you ever envied? Have you ever lied? Have you ever spoken badly about someone? Have you ever had trouble forgiving?

Holding grudges fills us with bitterness and hatred. Revenge is even worse. Revenge puts the same guilt and shame of sin on us as well as on the person who hurt us. Even if we don't try and get revenge, being bitter at someone who hurt you is still bad for you and people around you. A famous proverb says "Not forgiving is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die."

Forgiveness does not mean forgetting. Forgiveness does not mean that you have to try to be friends with someone who hurts you, or that it's okay that you've been hurt. Forgiveness means letting go of the bitterness. And often, you have to let go of the bitterness many times, maybe even seven times seventy times, because it tends to come back.

And why do we need to let go of the bitterness? Remember the imperfection of our hearts. We have all sinned. But here's the wonderful, amazing, good news: God forgives, and He forgives perfectly. That is why we forgive, as God has forgiven us. That is why every time we feel the bitterness bubbling up, we can ask God to take it from us. His love is more than enough to cover over our sins, seventy times over.

Let us pray.

Father God, thank you for your forgiveness. Help us to accept your forgiveness and forgive others, as you have forgiven us.

In Jesus' name I pray, amen.

Amakusa. 25 years ago on a rural road here a J-3 was killed when a driver fell asleep at the wheel and hit his bike head-on. The J-3's parents came from the U.S. to his funeral and personally forgave the driver, which made a huge impact on not only her, but also the students he'd taught and even the Kumamoto community as a whole.

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?"

Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times."
Matthew 18:21-22 (NIV)

They Followed Him Immediately.

Originally presented in Japanese at Japan Evangelical Lutheran Kuwamizu Church, January 26, 2014.

When I read the story of the calling of Jesus' first disciples, I wonder what those four fishermen were thinking. The Bible says that they left their nets, their boats, even their families, and followed Jesus. Was Jesus already well-known by then? Did the fishermen know anything about what they were getting into? I don't really know.

Even now I know Jesus' true identity as the Son of God, salvation through the Cross, and God's love, but if Jesus were to call me today, would I go? In general, I don't do impulsive things. Before I do something major or make an important decision, to be prepared and avoid looking like a fool, I thoroughly check up on, research, and learn about that thing.

In Kyoto, April 2007.

Seven years ago, before I came to Japan for the first time, I studied Japanese culture, language, history, and traditions. My friends were really interested in Japan, and they were the ones to convince me to go on my high school's Japan trip. At first I thought it seemed like such a long journey, and I hadn't had any overseas experience, so I thought I wouldn't go. To tell the truth, I was scared. Those studies seemed to erase my fear.

Now I've been living in Japan for over a year. Of course, in this time my knowledge of Japan has become greater than it was before I became a J-3. But at the same time, my anxieties and worries seem to also be increasing. That spring break Japan trip seven years ago was fun, but I was just a tourist. I was always with my American friends, and we just visited various sightseeing spots. Now, there are no tour buses or hotels, and I'm living here.

Even so, now that I'm no longer a tourist, my love for Japan is also deepening. Working as a missionary in Japan is like a dream come true. Every day through the kindness of my fellow teachers, pastors, students, and friends, I feel the love of God. Every day in this wonderful country, God grants me new blessings and teaches me more about His deep love. For this I am thankful to Him.

Those four fishermen didn't seem to have time to study or prepare. They may have at least heard of the prophets' messages, or the signs of the Messiah, but they probably didn't have time to really think about that when they saw Jesus. Maybe... maybe when Jesus is near, study or preparation time isn't necessary.

Recently, in morning chapel at school, I heard Psalm 34. Verse 10 particularly struck me. "Fear the Lord, you his holy people, for those who fear him lack nothing," it says. In the Bible, Jesus calls people over and over to follow Him. But at the same time, he also says over and over, "Do not be afraid."

God promises to grant us everything we need. Like the disciples, we have troubles, we wander, and we sin, but if we trust in Jesus, we will stay in God's love, and be filled with Jesus' joy. From the beginning, the disciples sought Jesus more than anything. Today we can't see Jesus, but let us leave behind the worries and burdens of daily life, and earnestly seek Jesus, too.

Let us pray.

Heavenly Father, we thank You for Your love. Forgive us for forgetting your promises. Grant that we may follow you faithfully.

In Jesus' name we pray, amen.

As Jesus was walking beside the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers, Simon called Peter and his brother Andrew. They were casting a net into the lake, for they were fishermen. "Come, follow me," Jesus said, "and I will send you out to fish for people." At once they left their nets and followed him.

Going on from there, he saw two other brothers, James son of Zebedee and his brother John. They were in a boat with their father Zebedee, preparing their nets. Jesus called them, and immediately they left the boat and their father and followed him.
Matthew 4:18-22 (NIV)

Chapel speech: On self-worth.

Originally presented at Luther Junior and Senior High School morning chapel, November 11, 2013.

High school graduation, 2007.

My high school seemed like it only wanted its graduates to go to college and nowhere else. The message was repeated over and over. Motivational speakers came to school and told us why we should go to college. Daily we were given information about different colleges all around the state and country. Students' families paid large amounts of money to companies and tutors that claimed to help students get high scores on the SAT, the test that almost all U.S. colleges require.

I felt the pressure, too. As the last year of high school drew closer, I worried more and more about getting into college. What if I didn't get in to a good college? What if all the colleges I applied to rejected me? What if I chose the wrong college for me? My second-to-last year of high school I took classes and joined clubs I wasn't even interested in, just to make my college applications look better. I had to go to college. College was the only way to make yourself worth anything to anyone. That's what the books and the websites and the teachers and the counselors told me, anyway.

I spent the last two years of high school trying to make myself into someone worth being accepted into college, and at the same time, my own sense of worth fell through the floor. I wasn't enjoying my advanced classes; in fact, I was getting the lowest grades of my life and had almost no motivation to try to improve them (except for college applications, of course). I hated doing college applications because I'd have to write essays about how great a student I was while I felt like the most inept human on Earth.

When we try to make our own worth, or when we make our worth dependent on someone else's approval, we will always come up lacking. That's what happened to me when I focused so hard on my college applications. I was so worried about whether a certain college would accept me that I nearly forgot about my Creator's acceptance of me that has always stood.

In the psalm you just heard, the author praises God for having known him from the beginning. God knows all of us more deeply than we know ourselves. He planned your existence, and mine. He thought creating you and me would be a good idea long before we were born. We don't have to prove our worth to God. We don't have to write essays or pass examinations. How could we? God is greater than any of us.

The truth is: we're not even worthy of God's love. We can never earn it, not by obeying all Ten Commandments or by spending all our time volunteering. God is perfect and demands perfection. We're not capable of perfection. How many times have you said something unkind, or ignored someone, or did something you knew you shouldn't?

But this is the depth of God's love for us: "While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." That's from the book of Romans in Bible (Romans 5:8b). Jesus Christ, who is God, took the shame of our imperfection and sin on the Cross so we could be saved and become part of God's family. That is a crazy deep love, from Someone who demands perfection.

So if you feel worthless to your family, your teachers, your peers, a college, or even society, please remember: you're worth everything to God. God knew you and loved you before anyone else did.

Let us pray.

Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for your love. Help us to remember this love and share it with others.

In Jesus' name, Amen.

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
Psalm 139:13-16 (NIV)

Chapel speech: On busyness.

Originally presented at Luther Junior and Senior High School morning chapel, June 4, 2013.

Two years ago, I was a senior in college. I was in two clubs and had two jobs as a tutor and a homework grader. I was always very busy, but one Thursday, I was having an especially busy day. I had class in the morning, homework to grade and a tutoring session to run in the afternoon, and a club meeting and a play to attend in the evening. I also had lots of homework to do that day. As on most of my busy days, I probably prayed to God that He would help me get through my busy schedule.

The tutoring session that afternoon was held in a tiny room in a building that had just been completely remodeled. The room could only hold three or four people. When the session ended, my tutees got up and turned the door handle. But the door did not open. There was something wrong with the new door latch, and my tutees and I were the first ones to discover it.

At least we had dry erase markers.
(Photo by one of my tutee's friends.)

Fortunately we had our cell phones, and there were windows to the hallway outside, so we could get others' attention. People outside tried to use credit cards and pocketknives to open the door, but nothing worked. Finally, an hour later, a locksmith came carrying an electric saw. He told us to stand back, and then cut out the door handle with the saw and kicked the rest of the door open in a cloud of sawdust, freeing us.

I couldn't stop laughing as I watched the locksmith cut the door down. This was the silliest thing that had ever happened to me. Something as tiny as a door latch was keeping me from all my "perfect" plans. By the time we got out, the club meeting had ended, and the play had already started half an hour ago. I couldn't do anything except walk back to my dorm room.

I'd thought I had my day under control. I'd thought that God would have helped me get things done. But my thinking was wrong. God isn't a good-luck charm, and I think he used a defective door latch to demonstrate that to me.

When we have a mountain of work to do, God can seem pretty small in comparison. But God is bigger than your to-do list, and He's not going to let us just use Him to accomplish our tasks. He loves us too much to let us do that. We don't always know what God has planned for us, but He can definitely think of better things than we can. So next time you feel overwhelmed by work, or even life, remember that God is bigger and sees further beyond our schedules and deadlines, and He guides us the whole way.

Let us pray.

Heavenly Father, we thank you that you meet us even in the middle of our busy lives. Guide us and help us to see your love clearly, even in times when it seems like we have too much work to do. Help us to focus on you most of all. In Jesus' name we pray.

Amen.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,"
declares the Lord.
"As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts."
Isaiah 55:8-9 (NIV)